Stop Fighting the Hard: A Better Way to Lead

Here’s the truth: life and leadership are hard. Always have been. Always will be.
The problem isn’t the hard itself — it’s the energy we waste resisting it.

When we accept the hard — that challenge and difficulty are the norm, not something to escape, but integral to life and work itself — we can instantly remove anxiety, overwhelm, and paralysis. In its place, we unlock the competence, confidence, and performance to face anything life or leadership throws our way.

We waste immense energy fighting the hard — questioning it, resenting it, panicking over it.
Why is this so difficult? Why is my job so busy? Why didn’t I sleep well last night?

But the truth is: life and leadership are hard.

The moment we accept that truth — that the hard is normal, expected, and within our capacity — we free up the energy we’ve been wasting on resistance. That shift unlocks focus, confidence, and competence, allowing us to spend our effort where it matters: doing the work, not fighting the work.

This isn’t about masochism or adding pain. (Goggins was onto something, but he doesnt have the full toolkit)
It’s about relief.
By accepting difficulty as integral, you stop wasting energy resisting it — and free that energy for what truly matters.

When We Stopped Fighting the Ocean

On day 28 of our Atlantic row, we were behind schedule, soaked in salt, sore in places I didn’t know I had muscles, and rowing directly into headwinds.

For hours, our team laboured forward, frustrated that conditions weren’t improving.
We were doing the work — but resenting every second of it.

Until something shifted.

Our captain, Jordan, cracked a joke — classic gallows humour, not appropriate for this blog — and the whole crew laughed. In that moment, we stopped expecting the headwinds to go away. We stopped trying to make the ocean easier.
We accepted the hard.

Oddly enough, everything improved.
Our time? Better.
Our rhythm? Smoother.
Our morale? Up.

The ocean hadn’t changed. The environment of challenge hadn't changed.
We had.
And that made all the difference.

Leadership Coaching: The Resistance Loop

A senior leader I coach — we’ll call her Morgan — was exhausted. She had a vision. A team. A budget. An opportunity—on top of all that other stuff life throws at a successful woman outside of work.

But she was stuck.

When we dug deeper, it became clear she was spending most of her mental energy resenting the difficulty of her role.
Meetings were too long. Her reports were underperforming. Her board was slow. The leadership grind felt like betrayal.

She had unknowingly bought into a common lie: that once she “arrived,” the hard would go away.

It doesn’t.

Once we named that, everything shifted. She reframed the hard as the path — not the problem. She stopped resisting the tension and started embracing it as her proving ground.

She became more direct in feedback. Delegated with clarity. Pushed through doubt with values-aligned courage.

Her performance didn’t just improve — her peace of mind came back.

Dad Life is Hard (and That’s the Point)

You know you're in “peak life” when you can’t tell if your back hurts from carrying your kids, carrying your parents to medical appointments or carrying the mortgage payment.

I’ve been there. Trying to get three kids out the door for school while a keynote client texts asking for last-minute slides. It’s 6:30 a.m., someone’s lost a shoe, someone else is crying (sometimes it’s me), and breakfast is burning.

In those moments, it’s easy to wish it were easier.
But that’s a waste of energy.

When I remember — this is the work, this is the mission — I shift.
I breathe deeper. I move slower. I connect with my heart. I show up better.

Family life doesn’t get easier.
We get better at doing hard things.

Try This: The 3-Step Reframe

Here’s a practical tool I use with clients — and with myself — when resistance sneaks in.

1. Notice

Catch the moment you start resisting reality.
“This shouldn’t be this hard…”
That’s your cue.

2. Name It

Name the truth without judgment.
“This is hard. And that’s okay.”

3. Reframe It

Ask: “What would I do differently if I expected this to be hard?”
Then act from that place.

This shift takes you out of the victim seat and puts you back into aligned leadership.

Values-Driven Acceptance

At ViDA, we teach that values are your subconscious decision fuel. They inform how you act under pressure.

When you accept the hard and act anyway, you’re actually living your values.

Acceptance is not surrender.
It’s values-aligned power.

It’s values-aligned FOCUS.

You’ve Got This — and You’re Not Alone

Yes, life is hard. Leadership is hard. Parenting, partnering, building, growing — all of it.

But you’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re just fighting the wrong thing.

You don’t need to fight the hard. You need to acknowledge it — then skill up for it.

This article? It’s not the end. It’s just the first step.

Because here’s what happens when you stop resisting reality: You gain access to the capacity you didn’t know you had. Capacity to learn the skills, tools, and frameworks that deliver results.

When you’re no longer burning 50% of your energy on frustration, denial, or anxiety, you have the mental and emotional bandwidth to actually do the work — with focus, confidence, and tools that work.

Check out this blog! We have numerous tools that help solve leadership, business, and management issues.

And That’s Not All...

At Built for Hard™, we give you and your teams both the hug and the how-to.

Acknowledging reality opens capacity. Capacity allows tools to function. Tools, aligned with values, build resilience that lasts.

Let’s stop wasting energy fighting the hard — and start building strength to thrive through it.

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Adam Kreek is on a mission to positively impact organizational cultures and leaders who make things happen.

Kreek is an Executive Business Coach who lives in Victoria, BC, near Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and Seattle, Washington, USA, in the Pacific Northwest. He works with clients globally, often travelling to California in the San Francisco Bay Area, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. He is an Olympic Gold Medalist, a storied adventurer and a father.

He authored the bestselling business book, The Responsibility Ethic: 12 Strategies Exceptional People Use to Do the Work and Make Success Happen. 

Discover our thoughts on Values here.

Want to increase your leadership achievement? Learn more about Kreek’s coaching here.

Want to book a keynote that leaves a lasting impact? Learn more about Kreek’s live event service here.