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Grace and Grit: The Leadership Strategy Hidden in Hawk and Dove
posted in Leadership
Adam Kreek
You’ve been told you need to choose.
Be strong or be kind.
Lead with authority or lead with empathy.
Fight for what’s yours—or keep the peace.
But what if the best leaders—the ones who build trust, create value, and leave a meaningful impact—don’t choose at all?
What if they’ve learned to hold both: Grace and Grit?
Let’s break it down.
The Ancient Game of Leadership: Hawk vs. Dove
Back in the 1970s, evolutionary game theorists designed a model to explain how animals—and later, humans—compete for resources. They called it the Hawk-Dove Game.
- The Hawk fights to win. Bold, aggressive, outcome-focused.
- The Dove avoids conflict. Cooperative, relational, harmony-focused.
Two Hawks meet? They fight. It's costly.
Two Doves? They share the prize.
Hawk meets Dove? Hawk wins.
Simple, right?
But here’s the twist: in a world where everyone fights like a Hawk, the cost of constant conflict is too high. And in a world full of Doves, the first Hawk to show up dominates.
So, what works?
A balance. A mix of both strategies. A rhythm of push and yield, challenge and compassion.
Sound familiar?
That’s the exact tension every leader I coach wrestles with. Especially those who want to lead by their values.
Grace = Dove | Grit = Hawk
In the Values-Driven Achievement framework, we talk a lot about Grace and Grit.
- Grace is the inner strength that shows up as kindness. Patience. Humility. Presence.
- Grit is the fire. Discipline. Courage. Willpower. Drive.
Grace is the Dove. Grit is the Hawk.
And real leadership? It comes from knowing when to lead with each.
I’ve seen Olympic athletes burn out on Grit.
I’ve watched executives lose influence by overplaying Grace.
And I’ve helped both find a third way—a values-aligned leadership style that flexes depending on the moment.
I write more about grit and grace here.
Backed by Science: Adam Grant’s Givers and Takers
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant ran the numbers in his research on workplace dynamics.
He identified three types of people:
- Givers – help others, often at personal cost
- Takers – seek to gain more than they give
- Matchers – keep score, eye-for-eye
Now here’s the kicker.
Givers don’t just end up at the bottom of success ladders.
They also dominate the top.
Why?
Because when Givers learn to set boundaries, channel their energy strategically, and say no when necessary, they create massive positive impact.
In other words—they learn to pair Grace with Grit.
What This Means for You
If you’ve ever felt:
- Tired of being too nice at work…
- Drained by playing “the tough leader” all the time…
- Frustrated with not knowing when to push and when to pull back…
This is your invitation to lead differently.
You don’t have to choose between being liked and being respected.
You don’t have to default to Dove or Hawk.
You can integrate both.
Transformation Through Grace and Grit
The leaders who transform organizations and live fulfilling lives do this one thing well:
They calibrate their responses based on values—not ego, not fear, not reaction.
- They use Grit to speak the truth when it matters.
- They use Grace to listen when it’s hard.
- They fight for what they believe in—but not every battle.
- They value both results and relationships.
And yes, it takes effort. But it also builds legacy.
Ready to Master the Balance?
Grace and Grit aren’t opposites.
They’re tools.
Values-aligned leaders use both.
I’ve coached Olympic athletes, business founders, and Fortune 500 execs through this exact transition—from reactive to responsive, from burnt out to values-driven, from confused to clear.
And I’ve built a system to help you do the same.
If you want to make better decisions, strengthen your leadership presence, and create high-trust, high-performance environments—start by understanding your own balance of Grace and Grit.
Final Thought
You don’t win by fighting every battle or avoiding them all.
You win by knowing which values to fight for—and how.
That’s what Values-Driven Achievement is all about.
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Adam Kreek is on a mission to positively impact organizational cultures and leaders who make things happen.
Kreek is an Executive Business Coach who lives in Victoria, BC, near Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and Seattle, Washington, USA, in the Pacific Northwest. He works with clients globally, often travelling to California in the San Francisco Bay Area, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. He is an Olympic Gold Medalist, a storied adventurer and a father.
He authored the bestselling business book, The Responsibility Ethic: 12 Strategies Exceptional People Use to Do the Work and Make Success Happen.
Discover our thoughts on Values here.
Want to increase your leadership achievement? Learn more about Kreek’s coaching here.
Want to book a keynote that leaves a lasting impact? Learn more about Kreek’s live event service here.